A Bonsai Quartz
by Detouredbe
Summary: As the title implies, a whole new facet is added to the recent conflict between Amethyst and Jasper.
1. Chapter 1

**With the recent "Angst of the Amethyst" theme the show seems to be treading through now, a few obscure ideas I've had on my mind for a while, both angsty and laugh-inspiring, but which I didn't know quite what to do with, have begun to come together more coherently. As I started writing this, I began to realize that, rather than the one-shot I'd had in mind at first, it might work better if I make this a three-parter, or such. Here's the first part, and as you'll see, this one is predominantly angst. Not to worry, though, the humour evidenced by the genres on the label will come along later.  
**

 **Copyright for _Steven Universe_ and all characters used belongs to Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network.**

"So, you're still holding on to that puny runt, Rose?" Jasper taunts in her typical excessively-bravado way.

Speaking up for herself, Amethyst challenges, "Seriously, dude, can't you think of _any_ other insult?"

"If the helmet fits, wear it, _Runt_!" comes Jasper's unfeeling reply, said with her arms pillowing her head as she lies back in a very smug manner, atop her corrupt "pet".

"Okay, you are _so_ gonna regret that," the purple gem growls, priming herself.

"I guess you didn't learn your lesson the first time..." Jasper grins, having absolutely no inkling as to how cliched she sounds. She hops down from the corrupt gem to reiterate her previous "teaching" to Amethyst, when the beast bolts like a shot in the forward direction. At the very least, it's enough to distract the stripey soldier.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU!" she bellows, spin-dashing to catch up with and intercept the creature, who by this time has made it quite close to the beach house attached to the Crystal Gem's temple. It in fact gets as far along as rearing up to paw at the deck for whatever reason.

"Gotcha!" Jasper pounces atop the beast's head. Steven, Connie and Amethyst race to catch up with her, their objective being to bring a stop to her way-too-close-for-comfort proximity to the temple. The beast, in the meantime, swipes down a potted plant that was recently placed on the deck, amidst its frantic flailing of its paws. Jasper steadies her "pet" within the next several seconds, only to find herself suddenly adorned with a potted-plant hat.

"Ugh! What the -" Removing it, she glances it over, then smirks derisively. "Huh. So even your Earth vegetation, Rose? What is your fascination with runts, anyway?"

Connie, now atop the deck together with the others, is the one who answers, "That's a bonsai tree! Bonsai is an ancient Japanese art of cultivating small trees in containers in a way that mimics larger -" By now, she's holding up a guidebook with the word "BONSAI" in bold capitals on the front, her finger pointing to the term – she'd brought the tree and the guide over earlier, due to Steven having expressed interest in learning the art when it came up in conversation. At this point, however, she stops herself, wondering out loud, "Wait, why am I even explaining this?"

It comes to be that she has two good reasons to second-guess the choice. First off, the stripey gem couldn't care less about the "arts" practiced by any human culture. Secondly, something about the term "bonsai"'s meaning _did_ however serve as a point of intrigue...

Having eyed the title of the book before it was drawn away, Jasper grins with menacing mischief as she turns to Amethyst, calling up to her, "I see now. Rose doesn't keep you because of your fighting capability – since you haven't got any. She keeps you as a form of _art_!"

"What? No!" Steven protests, while Amethyst goes in seconds from stunned to seething.

"Oh, I'm gonna have fun with this," Jasper mutters out loud to herself. Tossing the plant carelessly back up to them - somehow it lands perfectly upright and unharmed - she drives the monster back to the ocean, calling over her shoulder, "Thanks for enlightening me about your... _bonsai_ quartz!"

The three watch Jasper sink out of view again. "She sure comes and goes a lot," Steven mutters, bemused and fairly suspicious.

"I'm. Not. A. _Bonsai_!" Amethyst growls under her breath, turning around and stomping inside the beach house.

"Don't listen to her, Amethyst!" Connie calls, only to get a slammed door as a response. "Well, at least it's a politer sounding term than 'runt'."

/

Amethyst's attempt to appease her troubled mind with slumber that night ends up failing miserably. Pretty much as soon as she gets comfortable on one of her junk piles and drifts into sleep, her dreams become filled with torment inspired by the outcome of their latest Jasper encounter:

 _She steps outside, just to breathe in the fresh sea air. As soon as the door is closed behind her, suddenly Jasper's giant form shadows over her..._

" _Well, well, well, if it isn't the_ Bonsai _Quartz!"_

" _Shut up!" Amethyst yells, pushing past Jasper with ease. Where was this strength when she tried to fight her before?_

" _Aw, don't go away,_ Bonsai _!" Jasper is back in her face – for some reason her head is twice the size it normally is, and is down at Amethyst's level._

" _I don't wanna HEAR about it!" Amethyst snaps._

" _Alright then," the Jasper head leers. "Why don't you feel it instead?!"_

" _What the?" Amethyst gasps, looking down at herself. Now stationed in the midst of a surreal background of strange, warpy patterns and lights, Amethyst is dumbstruck to find herself groin-deep in a soil-filled flower pot. "Whoa! How did I – GET ME OUTTA HERE!" she shrieks, struggling to climb her way out of the pot. Doubled over, attempting to hoist herself up by pressing down on the soil in front of her, she glances up again when she hears laughter from all directions._

" _Let's hear it for the BONSAI QUARTZ!" Jasper's voice booms. With dismay, Amethyst now finds herself surrounded by myriads of faces – from behind Jasper are countless vague silhouettes of Homeworld gems she's never met, all laughing and chanting, "Bonsai Quartz! Bonsai Quartz! BONSAI QUARTZ! BONSAI QUARTZ!"_

" _No, no, stop it! Stop it! THAT'S NOT MY NAME!" she yells, then jerks her head up again when she sees, right in front of her, the most heartbreaking taunters that could have been present._

 _The Crystal Gems, along with Greg and Connie, are all laughing uproariously. All of them. Garnet, Steven, Pearl, Peridot – even Peridot is point and snickering at her._

" _No... No!" Amethyst repeats herself, unable to take it._

" _Remind me," Pearl says, doubling over with laughter, "why we took this long to tell her, hahaha, the_ real _reason we took her in?"_

" _It was worth the wait!" Garnet cheers, leaning on Greg for support._

" _Guys... h-how could you?" Amethyst murmurs, her eyes watering up._

" _Oh, that reminds me!" A melodic, echoing voice announces, as none other than Rose Quartz herself steps out from behind Steven._

" _R-R-Rose?" Amethyst's voice quivers, too shocked to comprehend much else._

" _It's time for your watering, Amethyst!" Rose gleefully announces, the echoing effect of her voice reverberating ominously from all around._

" _My what?" The purple gem yips._

 _Connie elaborates, as the chorus of laughter is put on hold for the moment, "Well, you've got to keep a bonsai watered, after all!"_

 _As soon as she finishes saying this, a torrent that would drown any actual houseplant fifty times over cascades down atop Amethyst. Shaking her soaked hair off of her face, she glances up to see Lapis Lazuli, obviously the source of that downpour, cracking it up yards above her. More water then falls down, and a glance around soon proves this new downfall to be coming from Rose Quartz, now grown to an epic proportion and laughing so hard that tears are flowing freely from her eyes. Rose's healing tears. It's not likely they could ever heal this tremendous hurt.  
_

" _Guys, stop it. I'm begging you," Amethyst whispers now, her voice too choked up to be any louder._

 _Ignoring her pained pleas, the Crystal Gems, Lapis, their human friends, Jasper, Centipeetle and all the corrupt gems Amethyst has ever encountered, and the mysterious Homeworld residents all resume their loud chanting and laughter, united under a truce for the simple sake of mocking her._

" _Bonsai Quartz! Bonsai Quartz! BONSAI QUARTZ! BONSAI QUARTZ!"_

" _Knock it off!" Amethyst groans. "Guys, stop it!" If anything, the cacophony picks up more. "I'm serious! Please!" Just plain enraged now, she gets her voice back and hollers, "BONSAI QUARTZ IS GETTIN' UPSET!"_

 **AN: Yep. Lots of angst as I promised. There's going to be a bit more, as we move along, but I don't think it will be so intense in the next chapter. After all, along with Amethyst's last line in this chapter being inspired by a quote of George Costanza, from _Seinfeld,_ much of my inspiration for the plot of this fanfic comes from the _Family Guy_ episode, "A Fistful of Meg." Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we are with Chapter 2, and indeed, there are moments of tension but there's also a lot more lightheartedness. Along with just how plum ridiculous Jasper - who is more or less an "unseen character" for this chapter, is being with her endeavours herein, I found myself laughing my head off while writing Pearl's lines. Ever practical, ever optimistic, ever not-what-Amethyst-wants-to-hear!**

"GRAAGH!"

If looks could kill, anyone in Amethyst's proximity would find themselves gnashed into shreds or shards. The second her eyes snap open, she leaps down and storms out of her room.

The sole occupant of the beach house she's coursing through at the moment is Steven, still snoozing at this early hour, but she is too furious to bother taking care not to wake him. Indeed, his eyes questioningly open as he is summoned from sleep by the stomping quartz below. The natural smile on his face fades once he's aware of what's going on, but he nonetheless drifts back to sleep, being too tired to get up just yet.

Stepping outside, Amethyst is struck with a niggling paranoia that her nightmare might be realized, but forces this down. It's what she's done for so much of her life, why stop now?

She slumps over the rail, just mulling. Minutes pass, and her frustration compels her to keep on the move. Rising, she makes her way to the steps down to the beach, then jolts in shock.

Her scream quickly banishes any chance of Steven obtaining a full sleep cycle. Together with Garnet and Pearl, he races outside, crying, "Amethyst!"

The Crystal Gems find their teammate frozen at the top of the stairs, the queen of frazzled expressions on her visage, as she points down the flight. Upon inspection, they discover that the source of her horror is a pattern of simplistic yet remarkably consistent images of Amethyst on alternate sides, depending on the step, of the all-capital word "BONSAI". All in some sort of purple staining, and traveling all the way down the stairs.

"Bonsai?" Pearl reads. "Amethyst -"

"Don't you dare!" Amethyst turns on Pearl, to the latter's unprepared surprise. "Don't you _dare_ ask me if _I_ did this!"

"I – I wasn't going to, I was just – Then, who would do this?"

"I think it must have been Jasper," Steven states.

"Jasper?" Pearl and Garnet find that as unbelievable as it is alarming.

"Yeah, see, we were trying to stop her from driving one of the gem monsters into the house, she knocked over the bonsai tree Connie gave me, and Connie ended up telling her what bonsai trees are, and she started calling Amethyst a -"

"QUIET!" Amethyst interrupts, her fists pantomiming her emotions by pulling out fistfuls of her hair, which explode into cloud matter in seconds. "If I hear that name one more time... Imma wreck _everything_ under the ocean till I find that orange _puffball_!" Amethyst kicks the railing, wincing and grabbing her foot right after.

"Calm down, Amethyst," Garnet orders.

"Oh, easy for you to say! You're not the one Jasper's on a one-gem campaign to humiliate every day for the rest of my life!"

"It's all right, Amethyst," Pearl soothes. "Once I've determined the substance she used to create this, uh, _message..._ Getting it off or covering it over will be no problem at all!" Turning to Steven, who's still staring down at the inscriptions, she quietly comments, "I almost hate to do it, in a way, however. It looks as though Jasper did a remarkable job. I'd have never guessed an offensive fighting Quartz soldier could be capable of such competent artistic patterning..." Hearing the vocal equivalent of a death glare behind her, Pearl clears her throat and asserts, "It's despicable and entirely below the belt, and I'll get on to the process of erasing it one way or another right away!"

/

Later that morning, Amethyst, Steven and Connie are all together at the bottom of the staircase, regarding the inscriptions at that level, while Pearl, up above, sings to herself while gradually working her way down on her mission to restore the stairs to their former glory.

"This is all my fault, Amethyst," Connie apologizes. "I really don't know why I told Jasper about bonsai trees."

"Neh, 'bonsai', 'runt'; it's all the same." Amethyst kicks at the ground.

Steven, not knowing how to resolve this uprising problem in Amethyst's life, supposes that the best they can do until further notice is try to take her mind off of it. "Amethyst, why don't we all go hang together in town?"

Turning away, she says, "Maybe later."

"Are you suuuure?" Steven compels. "We coooould... go on the rides at Funland?"

"...Meh."

"How about the arcade?"

"Nah."

" _Or_ , we could go have a late breakfast at the Big Donut?" Steven breaks out of his leading tone to say, matter-of-factly, "Just don't steal all the donuts this time."

Peeking over her shoulder, she asks, "Will Donut-Boy be there?" After all, pretending to be him – whether to steal donuts or not, of course – wouldn't be as neat if he was actually there.

"Lars? I... don't know. Lars is a bit of a wild card."

Perking up considerably, Amethyst suggests, "Well, even if he is, I can shapeshift into both of 'em..." She demonstrates this for Steven and Connie's benefit, morphing into very mutant examples of Sadie and Lars, squirming as though in agony. "...Joined at the _hip_!"

"Amethyst! Stop grossing us out!" Steven laughs.

"All right! Nothing like some donuts to get me back to my usual stuff!" Amethyst marches ahead of Steven and Connie, who share a relieved look over her restored spirits.

/

"No. NOT. A _GAIN_!"

Amethyst, together with the others, gazes out at a wide-spanning sand drawing depicting a row of generalized Quartzes, with a more detailed image of a half-sized Amethyst. In the space above this likeness' head, between the shoulders of the taller images on either side, the word "BONSAI" has been scripted vertically.

"Yeesh," Garnet sympathizes in her way.

"We need to look on the bright side, everyone," Pearl suggests. "At least as long as Jasper is preoccupied with this trivial obsession, she's not using that time to advance her army of corrupt gems!"

"What, so now I'm a _martyr_? I gotta stand by and take this just to buy us some _time_? Do you have _any_ idea what this _means_ to me?!"

"Amethyst," Garnet holds her shoulder, "We do understand. But believe me, getting upset isn't going to solve this problem. The best way to handle a bully is to not let yourself be bothered by their harassment."

Amethyst scoffs.

"Or, you could just be yourself." Garnet fiddles her visor and smiles, before heading inside with Pearl to continue their ongoing discussion of how to prepare for whatever Jasper is ultimately planning to do with her army.

With no one but Steven keeping her company, Amethyst growls, "Yeah? Well 'myself' is upset!"

"Come on, Amethyst. Covering over that sand picture will be a lot easier than the stairs yesterday. If we work together, we can be done and still have time to hang out before lunch!"

Amethyst glances down at the hate-inspiring sand picture. Why not? It's not as good as pummeling Jasper would be, but it'll take the edge off her tension. "I like it!" she consents.

"Sand Destroyers!" Steven yells as the duo take off.

/

"Uh, Amethyst? I don't think you wanna come out here!" Steven nervously warns, upon noticing Amethyst, inside the beach house, approaching the door.

Amethyst goes still for a moment, like she's steeling herself. Then she sullenly demands, "Wha'd she do this time?"

Pushing the door open, she walks out to find Connie and Steven standing together, staring uneasily at...

"No way!" Amethyst recoils, seeing the – again, impressively stylish – pruning job Jasper apparently did on the potted tree the night before. The horticultural statue stands complete with what seems to be driftwood stained with the same stuff she wrote on the stairs with, carved into a little mimic of Amethyst's gem. On another, larger hunk of driftwood positioned in front of the pot is, yet again, the capitalized "BONSAI" - obviously the only way Jasper knows how to write this human term – carved into the wood.

Connie and Steven barely have time to cover their ears before Amethyst screams in rage, her eyes spiralling. Yanking out her whip, Amethyst snatches up the driftwood chunk, hurling it admirably far out into the ocean as she screeches, "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, ALREADY!"

She then moves to take her wrath out on the unfortunate tree, but Steven, fearing for its well-being, grabs ahold of the plant, begging, "Amethyst, no! It's not the tree's fault this happened!"

Fuming to the point that, were she a Ruby, steam would literally have boiled and soaked the entire surrounding atmosphere, Amethyst gradually relents for Steven's sake. "Whatever, just get that thing outta my sight." She storms back inside, slamming the door.

With the air on the deck much calmer now, Connie takes the plant from Steven's arms, saying, "I'll keep it at my place, Steven. It won't stay like this forever."

"Good idea," he agrees. A moment after Connie has left, he realizes his body has something to say. He turns to the door, only to find that Amethyst is curled up against it on the inside. "Amethyst? Can you get up please? I need to come inside!"

Burying her face in her lap, Amethyst mumbles, "No."

"Come on, Amethyst! I need to pee!"

"Go in the ocean!" she groans back at him.

"Right. 'Like a fiiiish'!" Steven mutters. "You think I wanna go in the ocean when Jasper's down there with at least one corrupt gem monster? Come on, Amethyst!"

When Amethyst gives no response, it's Steven's turn to seethe. He knows she's in pain. He knows the ordeal Jasper's inflicted on her has opened up a ton of old wounds. He knows that it's even added a few complimentary new ones to the mix. None of that serves as a valid excuse to take it out on him, however.

As if Amethyst suddenly saw the logic in his words, she relents and moves out of the way. "Thank you," he says, heading inside to use the bathroom.

As Amethyst meanwhile continues to brood, now on the couch, Steven, finishing up, is struck with an idea. "Waaaait a minute!" he drags out this exclamation, running out of the bathroom and down the hall, till he reaches the couch. "AMETHYST!"

"Right here, buddy," she waves, carelessly.

"Amethyst, I know _exactly_ what you should do about Jasper!"

"Seriously?" Amethyst sits up, suddenly a lot more interested.

"You should take your own advice, Amethyst!" Steven declares. Realizing that what he's about to suggest is not exactly polite, he leans in to whisper his idea to her. In any case, it adds to the whole air of conspiracy.

"Oh, hohoho, I'm likin' it!" Amethyst laughs, pre-triumph written all over her now. "In fact, I say we take one step further..."

"Really? How?" Steven asks, grinning excitedly.

Patting her stomach, Amethyst cryptically comments, "Imma go with the feeling deep in my gut!"

 **AN: Next up, Jasper returns to torment, but won't know what _torrents_ her!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three is up, and Amethyst certainly uses an _interesting_ method of giving Jasper what she's had coming. I apologize in advance if this makes anyone squeamish; this is not territory I usually delve into such a graphic depth on, but it's not exactly traumatic if I dare say so, myself. Jasper might be inclined to disagree, however...**

Towards sunrise the next morning, Jasper is just putting the finishing touches on an upright arrangement of sticks and stones – very choice materials, yes – atop the rail on the deck of the beach house. There are no prizes for guessing the word they are sorted to spell out.

In hiding near the shore, Connie glances out, observing as Jasper makes her way onto the beach by jumping straight down from the deck. "Here she comes!"

"Man, this is gonna be good!" Amethyst grins. "Okay guys, remember to stand back!"

"Are you sure you don't need help walking, Amethyst?" Steven asks, concerned.

"Nah, I'm good. Nothin' a little shape-shifting can't manage." Listening to the plodding of Jasper's feet, she whispers, "Here we go!"

Steven and Connie glance sheepishly at each other, before following.

"Yo!" Amethyst calls to Jasper, who, nearly back at the water's edge, turns around.

"You," Jasper remarks, not overly surprised, but still. Seeing Steven and Connie approaching, she mutters, "Rose!"

"Good morning, Jasper," Steven says in a purposely aloof way, arms folded.

"Still hiding behind your little _Bonsai Quartz_ , Rose?"

"Actually, Amethyst has something she wants to tell you about that."

"Oh gee, this I'd love to hear," Jasper mocks.

"She wants you to understand why calling other gems hurtful names is not nice," Steven continues.

"Yeah? So why isn't _she_ saying it?"

"Amethyst?" Steven motions.

"Because I'm gonna do even better. I'm gonna _show_ you why you picked the wrong Crystal Gem to mess with," Amethyst declares this with confidence, though for some reason which Jasper dismisses as fear, beads of sweat are oozing down the side of her face, and she looks vaguely sick.

"Well, that's just terrifying!" Jasper smirks, a hand on her hip, glancing up to the left. "And just what is the little Bonsai planning to – hey, what?" Jasper looks down upon receiving the rapid sensation of warm liquid surrounding her. "What is this?" she demands, glancing down at her feet. Seeing the flood of liquid running down and around her faster than she can spin-dash, she looks up to see that, oddly enough, it seems to be originating from between Amethyst's legs.

"You! How are you doing this? What is this stuff?"

Beginning to look much better, Amethyst smiles and says, "It's called 'pee', Jasper. A thing I got from humans."

"Disgusting!" Jasper lurches back, although this does not a lick of good, as the fluid is flowing down in so great a quantity that most of it towers inches over the sand it covers.

"What can I say? This little 'bonsai''s been over-watered," Amethyst shrugs.

"And what is this stench?" Jasper grimaces, covering her gem.

"Eh, I _may_ have cleaned the grocery store out of asparagus," Amethyst shrugs again, pulling another stock out from her hair and beginning to munch on it.

Jasper doesn't even know what that means, but she probably envies the masks Connie and Steven are now wearing to protect their olfactory senses – courtesy of Dr. Maheswaran's equipment.

Though Jasper gags a great deal, she soon draws herself together and challenges, "As sickening as this trick is, it's not enough to stop me from smashing you all on the spot!"

"What? You thought I'd let you off that easy?" Amethyst scoffs, her deluge still going strong. "It's about to get even better!"

On cue, Steven calls back to their earlier hiding place, "Peridot!"

Jasper blinks, at a standstill, when she sees the technician whom she was once assigned to escort to this planet, approaching with her hands ominously behind her back.

"Greetings, Jasper," Peridot coolly acknowledges, wearing a doctor's mask like Steven and Connie.

"You? You're with _them_ now?"

"Affirmative. When Amethyst informed me of the trouble you were causing her, I was more than happy to lend my assistance." As if her whole alliance with them centres around that.

"And what are _you_ gonna do?" Jasper has not yet lost the nerve to jeer.

"Nyeheheh... Jasper, when will you learn?" Peridot chuckles, before withdrawing her hands and raising/separating the stacked metal cups she was carrying incognito, up into the air.

Jasper unwisely stares on as Peridot manipulates the multiple cups into diving down and filling up with the ongoing gallons of bodily fluid Amethyst is unleashing. She then directs the cups to rotate rapidly around Jasper's head, each taking turns spilling their contents onto her. Obviously this makes her writhe in disgust, and obviously she tries to swipe the cups away, but depending on which cup she strikes this serves more against her than in her favour, and Peridot is moving the cups around too fast for even a skilled soldier like Jasper to do much else.

Finally finished draining herself, Amethyst flops back on the ground, arms out, looking tired but also very refreshed.

"You little traitor!" Jasper fumes as her "shower" finally concludes as well.

As Jasper, drenched head to toe, advances on Peridot, Amethyst lifts her head, inquiring, "You ready to lay off with the 'bonsai' gibes, Jasper?"

"I'll never cower to the likes of you!"

"What do you say, Amethyst?" Peridot inquires, standing by.

All grins now, Amethyst chuckles and says, "Do your worst, Peri!"

"Huh?" Jasper stops when the cups, now dipping down to fill themselves with sand, come swarming around her once more. This time Peridot amps up the pace, overwhelming her former escort with the attack till at last she is unable to bear it any longer. Taking back to the ocean, she cries out, "I'LL FINISH YOU FOR THIS, AMETHYST! THIS ISN'T GONNA BE OVER, TILL THERE'S ONLY ONE OF US LEFT STANDING!"

When she's gone from their sight, Amethyst yells, "I dunno why you're hiding down there, Jasper! That's my favourite place to do that!"

The four on the beach then celebrate this victory. "You guys were amazing!" Steven cheers.

"Well, this was all Amethyst's idea," Peridot says, motioning to the cups now resting on the ground.

"I'll bet you feel better now!" Connie comments.

"Totally!" Amethyst grins.

Glancing at where Jasper was last in their line of vision, Steven smugly remarks, "Nobody needed to fuse _that_ time!"

Standing up, Amethyst looks to Peridot and says, eyes at half-lid, "We still could, y'know?"

Peridot blushes and laughs nervously, then glances down at Amethyst's dripping trousers. "You should probably bathe yourself."

As all eyes, including her own, divert to this point, Amethyst concludes, "Yeah, I guess so."

 **AN: And that is that. I am so excited that the show is finally giving Amethyst a long run of focus; it's been well worth the wait, so far! :D  
**


End file.
